So I’ve been thinking for some time about what it would look like if I had a youtube channel.
Like most things in my life, this was not a simple or speedy decision. I have a number of reasons for being hesitant in doing this. I’m concerned about my own privacy and safety–radical feminists and women in general don’t have an easy go of things online. But I’m not able to cede space that rightfully belongs to me, as a human on this planet and as a woman using technology inspired or invented by women.
Another blockage is insecurity. This is two-fold. Do I have things worth saying–things other women haven’t already said, and better than me? And can I bear to be represented visually, when I am still confronting such low self-worth? What happens on days when I can’t stand to look at myself or hear myself speak? What happens when I can’t shake the sense that I have less than nothing to say?
I didn’t expect to make this video today, but I had a good day. I spent some time with my best friend and her dogs, and I went to a meeting for a group I believe has the potential to make a difference in the lives of women and in our community (I mention this in the video; it’s the Human Trafficking Education group).
So I guess the answer is I will just make videos whenever I have a good day or whenever the fuck I want, and on bad days I’ll eat an entire bag of chips and pretend I don’t have to occupy a human body. Balance.