Can a woman with an eating disorder, which isn’t entirely in recovery, ever attempt weight loss without triggering herself? I believe so. I believe some addicts in recovery can also have one glass of wine without relapsing. I believe women contain multitudes. But can I?
I am trying to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks without restricting. I’ve actually never tried to lose weight the way I intend to. No fasting days, no over-exercising, no obsessive calculations. Eating what I want. Just being mindful of the fact that I want to lose 1 pound a week—and not more. My hope is to make it through this timeframe without restricting or binging. If I can, it will be the longest time without those behaviours for as long as I can remember. The idea is to consciously create a new beginning for myself with regard to food and eating.
My reason for wanting to lose ten pounds is to get back to my most comfortable and neutral weight. As someone who loves to backpack, I know that every pound counts when hiking, and it’s easier (and cheaper) to lose weight off my body than to try to drop weight from my pack. I’ve also noticed a drop in energy, my clothing feeling too snug for comfort (I prefer my clothes loose; when they are tight I get anxious), and I like the way I look best around 160 pounds.
The truth is, I have not been eating very well lately. Mostly just snacking way too much, larger portions, etc. I want to cook more and make healthier, more sustainable choices for myself. So for this ten-week period, I will be banishing only one food from my regular diet. And for those who know me, this is the biggest commitment I can offer. No potato chips. Cue collective gasps.
In order to incentivize myself, I will be putting $50 into a savings account for every week that I lose one pound. Anything over one pound does not get extra money and doesn’t ‘roll over’ to the next week. If a week passes and I don’t lose any weight, I will donate that money instead. Some places say to really ramp up the incentive, you donate the money to a hated charity or foundation. I think that’s ridiculous. I’ll never financially support organizations I hate. So I will donate to youCaring accounts for women who need extra money if a week passes wherein I don’t lose weight (I also have a set amount in mind to donate in the off chance I manage to lose weight every week).
At the end of the ten weeks, the money I save will go toward something just for me. A new tattoo or possible a gossamer gear 55L pack.
I will also only be weighing myself one a week on Monday mornings. I have a history with compulsively weighing myself. I want to break that habit because it causes me a lot of distress.
So I won’t necessarily be posting regular updates on this unless I need to work through the eating disorder aspects. But I wanted to make this post so that my plan exists in reality and if people want to support me in any way, I would be grateful. I would also greatly appreciate hearing from women who’ve dealt with disordered eating and then tried to lose weight appropriately.